The message board today said:
Believing in yourself is the secret to success.
I will tell you that it isn’t so simple. It sounds good on a billboard – but when you don’t feel good about yourself it is nearly impossible to believe in yourself.
I did not take care of myself. It is a wonder that I made it through that last phase of my life. The state of mind I was inhabiting was not a good one. I knew that I needed to change, but I had no idea what to do.
To all the other mamas out there thinking that they can’t. I will tell you that you can.
I didn’t think it would get better. I didn’t know how.
Don’t worry about the how. It will work itself out. Or it will simply pass. I didn’t believe any of that as I lay in my bed googling the crap out of the internets on my desperate quest for an answer… A shred of something to keep my head above the water of scary emotions that filled my hollow head. Don’t do anything stupid or final in an attempt to fix this fleeting stage you are in. Trust me – it feels permanent – but just like the weather, it too will change. It can’t be above 90 degrees or below zero forever.
If you told me at this time last year as I picked my clinging preschooler up at
school and ran around looking totally disheveled and crammed my lunch down as I raced off to catch up with her that at this same time this year I would be dressed in real clothing, sitting on my deck, eating a lunch I made from scratch and penning articles for publication, I would have laughed you out of the room.
I am wrong to think things won’t get harder again. But I know that next time I will do better.
P.S. The picture is from a Naturalist Notebook class I took at Longwood Gardens on Friday. It was WONDERFUL! These are the drawings we all did. Can you find mine?