Begin Again….

So I started this blog back in the spring.  I was going through a very tough season in my life.  I was working harder than I had ever worked before to make sense of my life and the changes that had happened and were about to happen. I was stuck.  Weighed down by the what if’s and the could be’s.  I was urged to start blogging as an outlet for myself.  I had done it before. I did it again.  I am a beginner – I start things.  I start projects all over the house!  I just lack the commitment to sustain the completion. I get tired, or overwhelmed, or interrupted.  So it all piles up, and then the piles get so big I am tripping over them, and then people are coming over so I have to shove them away.  When I finally go back to revisit and finish up, I am combing through an archeological dig of sorts that is filled with wishes and promises and expired coupons.

I had so much I wanted to say, but I would open my mouth and nothing would come out.  Or what came out felt so ugly to me that I was afraid that no one would listen. I felt like all I was doing was complaining without taking actions to fix things for myself. I was in a dark place – one I felt like others were in too from time to time, but no one ever speaks of.  I felt like I needed to be real, but at the same time I needed to censor myself out of fear.  I couldn’t be there too much longer, so I had to do something.  I wanted to find a solution to my complicated problem. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops – but I have found that, even if you want something, sometimes it just isn’t possible at a given point.

I have been working hard to take care of myself. To get my exercise, to straighten up my house, to make routines, to organize my chaos.  I am crawling back to a better place, one with a perspective that I was lacking.

This morning I got an email from Marie Forleo (trying to sell Copy Cure) and the crux of her pitch was that if you have something the world needs and you are keeping it to yourself, then  you are stealing.

Yesterday the message board at the college across the street from me said, “When you are honest, you don’t need a good memory.”

So many messages surround me, telling me that it is time to get back to working on my writing and get my messages out there.  img_9029






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